...Leap Further

 

 

I realize that I am stalling.  Sofar I am okay with that.  I ask your patience.  I have yet not risked myself by delving into some deeply personal topic.   I find I am not ready to leap further.  This blog itself represents a major step for me.  I am a true introvert; so comfortable with that part of myself and my nature that I feel very little need to step out into the light and show the inside out.  Those of you who read this and actually have a connection with the me who is may not even have realized that this internal divergence is there.  It isn't like I have an alter-ego or anything, it's not that interesting or diabolical.  I am a private person, I keep a lot in and when I let it out I know I seem too solemn, too intense.  I think this outlet will help.  This tipping over into a pool of  anonymity where I could be just about anyone may help to kick my self out into the light so I don't take it all so seriously.  But before I let myself go too far forward, it seems that I must "Go back a little..."

 

Baby it's cold outside

Listening to the nails pop and the siding snap kept me up for a while last night.  Mostly I was thinking about how fortunate we are to have a snug house and a safe place to sleep at night.  The world is a crazy place.

Sixty million for six years to play baseball.
Over twenty people missing because a cruise ship captain was careless.
Starvation ignored (again) in Africa.

I do my best for my family most of the time.  Sometimes I am lazy and just coast along.  I am not proud of that but it is true.  I think that in this way I am probably no different than most people.  I want to believe that this apathy is curable.  I want to believe I can root it out of myself, and hope that my quiet attempt to do so will have a positive impact on the world.  I am going to try to use my knowledge to better myself.  I hope this will also help me to make the world a bit more just.

To that end I am using what I know about the cocoa industry to look into ways to stop supporting the slavery and abuse of those who labour to produce a treat that is delicious but also not necessary.  Chocolate.  I am going to do my best to give it up and only consume fair trade chocolate products.  Having done very little research into it's availabilty and forms, I think I am setting myself up for a true test of my determination and willpower.  It's one thing to say you are going to do something, and it's another to say it with an informed mind.  Likely I am setting myself up for a frustrating ride. 

Laziness should not be reason why something is not done.  This is my attempt to help eliminate the fact that, in my case, it often is.

My New Blog

Normal Matters Not

Okay, so I am not sold on the title of this blog yet. I didn't want to sit around trying to come up with something pithy, and have that lack of pithyness hold me back from actually trying to write the damn thing, so I rushed it and ended up with that. Perhaps, like turning forty, it will grow on me.

I made a New Year's Resolution. Usually my only one is to not make any because I don't like setting myself up for failure at a time of the year that is supposed to be all festive and fun and full of promise. I figure I should just do my best at all times and blame myself if I fail. I did, as I mentioned earlier, turn forty this year (okay, okay last year, I lie) and perhaps that newfound comfort with aging has wizened me to the value of promising yourself something. I resolved to make better use of my resources, such as they are and what there is of them.

I have an internet connection. I used to be good at this writing thing, so here I am...hopefully for your sake since you are reading this I get better at it as I go on. I hope to make use of this blog to ask questions of myself and the world in general. To challenge myself to think and to share these thoughts (this is where you think "Lord, help me!") The goal I have for myself is to learn to think things through better, to become better able to express myself and to have more fun and be more social. Oh yes, there is another resolution tucked into that sentence...be more myself than I am now.

Back to the title...

I come from a family that is fractured. Mental illness has claimed a good percentage of my immediate family and it isn't the kind of crazy they make comedies about. I am blessed, I am not afflicted. I live in fear that my blood legacy will be to pass this damnable burden on my children. I don't like to talk about it, any of it, yet it is part of me and who I am. I believe that nobody should try to generally define what "Normal" is. Normal is something everyone must define for themselves.

Hey, it didn't take long, turns out I like this unintentionally Yoda like title after all!