Why don't you ask for help?

It's not just obstinant self-sufficiency.

It's deeper.

It's fear.

If I asked for help and no-one could give it I'd know I was alone in the dark.  If I don't ask, if I just navigate through it myself I can maintain the belief that someone was out there with a lantern.

I can't trust that to be true; I can believe it.

When I get to trust, I'll ask.

Time is never time at all.

Not a lyric that normally becomes background noise.

I am coming to terms with the reality of things.  Time, it took a lot of it.  I can be enough.  I can believe.


...

I am afraid of heights, again.

Fear is something to pay attention to.

My fear doesn't exist to make me weak;  it's teaching me to be strong.

This fear will teach me to rely on me; to depend on me.  It will teach me to be aware of my weakness and to realize that I am the only one who needs to take care of me.  I am the only person I need.

Wanting is irrelevant.  Need is what matters.

You don't have to understand this, world.  This is for me.

I got my own back.
Maya Angelou

Fall Back

Missing people isn't just about them; that doesn't make the feeling selfish.

If they hadn't been a significant part of my life, hadn't loved me and been loved then I wouldn't miss them.

Being missed shows us our presence was valued. Being missed helps us realize and believe we matter.   We make an impact.    We make a difference.   We are cared about.

When you leave people's lives by choice or by circumstance, but not because YOU didn't care, missing people is natural.

I have to stop wanting to stop missing the people no longer in my life.

They mattered.

I have to stop wanting to know I am missed.