When you learn to love yourself, to actually appreciate who you are it does make it easier to see how your behaviour affects you and the people you care about.
I don't believe that you can't love other people before you love yourself.
I do believe that you can't fully understand that love until you do.
Whether or not I have been the recipient of unconditional love, I can't say right now. I do not see that part of my past as clearly as I would like to.
I don't believe that I was a different person for different people. I do think that I tried to fit myself around the people I loved, I tried to figure out the best person to be for each of the people in my life. I realise that may seem like the same thing, and perhaps I am deluding myself, but there is a distinction in my opinion. I will work on explaining the details of this in another post.
I used to believe, completely that I was narcissistic. I have since been guided through re-examining that thought and now realise that I was not. I certainly did some things that were self-indulgent and selfish. At times I reacted and overreacted instead of responding. I panicked when feeling like I was under attack and I lived in survivor mode for far too long. I had triggers I didn't recognise; I had pain I hadn't let go of. I was so scared for my future I forgot to live what was happening at the moment with grace and honesty.
I was a mess.
I place absolutely no conditions on caring about me right now.
I used to believe that kind of self-love was only self-serving, and I was wrong.
Lao Tzu said that being deeply loved gives you strength. I must deeply love myself. If I don't, then I can't let go of the woman I was and accept that I have to courage to be me, every day.
