I once told someone I love that people can't break each other. People break themselves. I was wrong, and I was right at the same time.
I am finding it impossible to NOT own the things that have been said about me, to me, by the people I love.
I am lonely. I am scared. And I am sad. Every day.
Words can break people if they believe them. If they are owned; if they fit. If they are spoken by people you love and respect. If they grow into your skin and tattoo themselves onto your cellular structure.
I just had surgery. It was terrifying. Still is, really. This hole in my figurative heart is even worse. How can an inability to be worth loving, narcissism, be cured? Even after my chemical brain gets sorted I'm still left with my thinking brain. Everything I read about being narcisistic indicates that it's a lifelong affliction.
I'm emotionally poisonous and I will taint and twist love to bend it into something that breaks people. I was told that about myself this year.
Having someone I love as well as I could love anyone show me how broken I am cracked everything about me wide open and I saw it all spilled out in the light.
What I thought was the cruelest thing ever said to me is actually who I believe I am. I was already broken.
People break each other every day.
